As a wife I know sometimes it truly is hard to show respect. And sometimes, I may think I'm being perfectly respectful, but I'm not. Everyone views respect in a different way. Whether it's by someone listening, taking interest in the same things, or just simply being kind and thoughtful. From my short time of experience, my Husband does not think I'm being respectful when I don't listen to him or I contradict what he says (mind you this does not mean having a difference of opinion, but rather trying to tell him a better way to do something versus what he' suggested.)
Now we all know there are a few common ground rules to being disrespectful; rolling eyes, not paying attention when someone is speaking, being mean or hurtful with our words or trying to be totally controlling, but does your talent of respect go beyond that? Or do you just plateau at those common rules? Here are a few things that could be taken as disrespectful and some helpful ways to work around them!
1. Not showing respect by not showing interest
Not everyone has the same likes or dislikes. Especially with people in relationships, opposites do tend to attract! My husband loves to nerd out about video games, outdoor activities and taking things apart just to put them back together again! I don't necessarily care for most of these things, especially since they are way out of my league. However, one thing I know he appreciates is when I take the time to listen to him talk about the things that he likes and ask questions. When I show him that I'm listening to something he's saying to me about something that he truly likes or appreciates, it lets him know that I care and I want to take the time to give him attention. And, after all, it does work two ways. When I want to tell him about this "awesome sale" where I got these "great new shoes" and he doesn't listen, I don't appreciate it. It's the same with something he wants to share too.
2. Not showing respect by rolling your eyes
Yes, this one is a very well known sign of disrespect or disregard, but how often do we do this small task of rolling our eyes back? It usually goes without being noticed or maybe you even do it "without realizing it". When someone is telling us something we don't want to hear, why do we normally turn up our nose at it or take offense? Because they step on our toes. Typically the reason that our toes get stepped on is because there's something in our life that someone is trying to address, and we don't want to hear it. While rolling our eyes will get the message that "we don't want to hear it" across, it also shows that we are not mature enough to hear someone out when they are trying to act in our best interest.
3. Not showing respect by doing our own thing
When someone we love gives us advice that they truly mean in a loving way to try to help us live our lives to the best of our ability, and we blatantly ignore that advice, we are showing disrespect. Especially if we agree to follow the advice and then go back on our word. It's one thing if the advice is totally off course or just plain bad. But that's not the kind of advice I'm talking about. I'm talking about advice where someone understands you may have a problem, or an area in which you need help and offer their guidance, but you are too stubborn to care and show that you are grateful for their help.
4. Not showing respect by insisting we are right
Even if we may have the better idea, even if we may have the logical plan, or even if we are 100% sure we know we are right. A lot of people feel disrespected if they are trying their hardest to complete a task, or do their best at something and you continue to insist that you are right or have the better way/idea. Most times it's best to submit your idea or thoughts once, and not again unless it is asked for. Here's a scenario: My husband is a student and I work full time. It's irritating to my husband because he wants to work to provide for me, but he can't just yet. Because I work in the financial field, it's usually my duty to handle our finances and budget things. When he comes up with an idea to help us gain some extra money, or save a little here or there, he's trying to act in the best interest of our family. He racked his brain for this idea because he wants to help me as I am our only provider. Now, his financial strategy may be to invest $50 in Jimmy's happy hot dog factory, with expectations of a very large return, but should I absolutely deny his idea? No. While I may firmly state that I don't think Jimmy's happy hot dog factory really looks like a prime business for us to invest in, most times it's better to let him be satisfied in knowing that I am willing to accept his help and ideas for our family.
5. Not showing respect by insisting that we know "what the other person meant"
How many times do you 'think' you know how a person really meant something? I can't tell you how many times I've heard couples say this. "I didn't mean it that way." "Yes you did."
What?? The only person who knows how it was meant is the person who said it. Period. You may have taken something one way, when it was meant another, but it is not your place to insist on the way something was meant. If it was truly hurtful, and you think it's worth mentioning, just talk about it. Tell the other person that it really didn't seem like it was meant the way the intended. And if you think you can't communicate this to the other person, then something is seriously wrong with your communication.
These are just a few things that can be taken as disrespect and some ways to handle them. Obviously the only way to really find out what someone will take as respect or disrespect is to communicate. Because everyone can take respect differently it's never a good idea to expect that someone else feels respected by the same things you do. Everyone is different!
