A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Sarah,
Let me start off this letter by saying, you have such an incredible life ahead of you. You may know May 23rd as just another day or as your parent's anniversary, but later in life you will know it as your own anniversary. Right now October 4th may just be another day, enjoying the nice fall weather and watching the leaves change, but one day you'll know it as your firstborn daughter's birthday, and those days will never be the same.
But be patient. You will not wake up one morning and have a loving husband and a family in a home that you've striven so hard to make pleasant. Along the course of many years, every decision you make will bring you closer to this end. And it will take many years.
You must remember to take a step back at important times. Your life is just fine. And your mother is not ruining it. You really don't have anything to be "stressed out" over. Be grateful and enjoy living with few cares and making memories with the people around you, it will make a great impact on who you become as an adult.
Don't worry. Look at your situation through someone else's eyes. Get out of your head and observe your surroundings from an aerial view. Remember that whatever is happening now, most likely will not matter in 5 years. The trivial things we choose to get stuck on have little to no impact on our end goal in life; and yours should always be to please God. Learn to take a deep breath and slow down, it can really help during these difficult situations.
The man you choose to spend the rest of your life with will teach you many things you don't know that you need to be taught. On your own, you believe you have a good sense of humor, a good grasp on your faith and an idea of the path you want for your life, and you do. But he will teach you to think and come to conclusions by using your own mind and resources. He challenges the things you do just because it's "how you've always done it". He is not pushy, angry or even stern. He asks questions and listens for answers, and hopefully you will learn from that example. An example is exactly what he is for your life. He has no idea what kind of impact he makes on your life, and most nights you go to bed admiring him for his choices and personality.
Schedules don't matter. You should always try to be on time, and even early (especially to work), but don't pressure people or yourself to keep to some kind of schedule. Other people don't care nearly as much as you think they do. And, in fact, others will enjoy a relaxed version of you much more than the you who gets upset because of a schedule you laid out in your mind, and the day didn't go according to that schedule. Realize this now because if it continues into adulthood, it will be a terrible pill to swallow when you have kids.
And speaking of kids, you still want big family. Your first baby is an absolute joy and being a Mom is so great. She has only fueled your fire to have several children. Hopefully your hubby is ready for a house full of kids! (He is).
Let me end this letter by saying don't worry about who you are. You are doing just fine. All the decisions you are making now are turning you into the best version of you possible. Keep that end goal in your mind, always. Think, then act. Listen, then speak. Be patient, then go.
Love,
Sarah

"I want to say Thank You." A Letter to My Labor and Delivery Nurse

*WARNIING:* This birth story gets gross

As a first time mom-to-be, I obviously had no idea what I was doing. I was curious and excited. Ready to just let me body do whatever felt natural. I had never even stayed overnight at the hospital so I didn't have a clue what was proper hospital "etiquette".

Let's back up to a few months before giving birth. 

I had done a lot of research on what kinds of things I wanted to bring with me to the hospital. Things for myself, our new baby and for my husband. How many changes of clothes would I need? How many snacks can we fit in the front pocket of the duffel bag? And WHERE is the Bluetooth speaker charger?? Well of course I packed a change of clothes for each day I would be there (plus probably one extra for if I wanted to look "cute"), a speaker so I could listen to my music while giving birth, plenty of my own snacks, a yoga mat, tennis balls, slippers & flip flops and the list goes on. I was a true first time mom. Now let's talk about what my hospital stay was actually like. We got to the hospital around 5am. In triage I was immediately asked to get into a hospital gown so they could examine me. I was stripped of all the clothes I had on, except my bra. After examining me they asked me to walk around to bring labor along. I walked through the hospital with my hospital gown attempting to flap open in the back. My mucus plug fell out while I was walking around and was dripping down my legs. At the time, I was standing outside the floor bathroom waiting for Luke to finish up. As soon as I felt the moistness on my leg, I frantically knocked on the door and told him to let me in. 

Then, around 7am, we finally got into a room. One of my nurses was around my age, engaged and had no children. By 9am, she had already seen most of me exposed, listened to me moan and make sounds like a buffalo and much other grossness. I tried to make small talk with her in between contractions.
"Where are you getting married?"
"Do you want to have kids one day?"

This poor girl, why was she here to be tortured watching me go through this terrible pain? To see me so exhausted I was bobbing like Stevie Wonder during contractions? How could she want to have children after watching other women go through labor?

While pushing, she had to help me count through the contractions, hold my legs and hand and clean up anything that was getting messy. She was not the one going through this nerve-racking but exciting life change, she had no connection to me or my family and yet she stood by my bed telling me "You're doing great!" and offering warm smiles.

For two hours she stood by my bed repeating those things, placing cool washrags on my face and warm rice bags on my tummy. On her feet. With nothing to eat or drink during that time. 

When Hazel finally emerged, it was her job to help clean up, check the baby, rub the baby off, etc. And after Hazel had been born, eaten and was weighed I had to pee so badly. And she was the one who helped me to the bathroom. I was so tired, so sore and in so much pain. I had to pee like never before. It was the first time in 9 months that I could finally EMPTY my bladder! And she had to hold up my bare, wobbly body and help me to the toilet. She had to stay by my side and let me lean on her while I struggled to sit down. She had to teach me how to dab, spray and use the special ice-pack pads. She was a young woman, who, instead of experiencing this for the first time during giving birth to her own child, she was helping other young women during their experiences. She patiently explained how things worked, didn't bat an eyelash at how naked I was, reminded me constantly of what a wonderful job Luke and I did and selflessly gave up everything for two hours to watch me go through the biggest change of my life. 

Thank you for being a patient, caring and kind woman, even at your young age.  Thank you for helping my experience be as lovely as possible. Thank you for the long hours you devote to the people you are caring for.

I started this post by talking about the things I thought I would need in the hospital to end with this:

I didn't use most of the things I packed. The Bluetooth speaker was playing in the background, but I couldn't hear it. I didn't need several changes of clothes and I was too sick to eat any of my snacks while going through labor. I didn't even touch my yoga mat. And I was too sore to walk around so there was no need to bring both slippers and flip flops. What really mattered was support. I didn't have a Douala, a coach (a decision of frugality) or even my mom with me. But what I did have were some really awesome nurses. And that made a huge impact.