A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Sarah,
Let me start off this letter by saying, you have such an incredible life ahead of you. You may know May 23rd as just another day or as your parent's anniversary, but later in life you will know it as your own anniversary. Right now October 4th may just be another day, enjoying the nice fall weather and watching the leaves change, but one day you'll know it as your firstborn daughter's birthday, and those days will never be the same.
But be patient. You will not wake up one morning and have a loving husband and a family in a home that you've striven so hard to make pleasant. Along the course of many years, every decision you make will bring you closer to this end. And it will take many years.
You must remember to take a step back at important times. Your life is just fine. And your mother is not ruining it. You really don't have anything to be "stressed out" over. Be grateful and enjoy living with few cares and making memories with the people around you, it will make a great impact on who you become as an adult.
Don't worry. Look at your situation through someone else's eyes. Get out of your head and observe your surroundings from an aerial view. Remember that whatever is happening now, most likely will not matter in 5 years. The trivial things we choose to get stuck on have little to no impact on our end goal in life; and yours should always be to please God. Learn to take a deep breath and slow down, it can really help during these difficult situations.
The man you choose to spend the rest of your life with will teach you many things you don't know that you need to be taught. On your own, you believe you have a good sense of humor, a good grasp on your faith and an idea of the path you want for your life, and you do. But he will teach you to think and come to conclusions by using your own mind and resources. He challenges the things you do just because it's "how you've always done it". He is not pushy, angry or even stern. He asks questions and listens for answers, and hopefully you will learn from that example. An example is exactly what he is for your life. He has no idea what kind of impact he makes on your life, and most nights you go to bed admiring him for his choices and personality.
Schedules don't matter. You should always try to be on time, and even early (especially to work), but don't pressure people or yourself to keep to some kind of schedule. Other people don't care nearly as much as you think they do. And, in fact, others will enjoy a relaxed version of you much more than the you who gets upset because of a schedule you laid out in your mind, and the day didn't go according to that schedule. Realize this now because if it continues into adulthood, it will be a terrible pill to swallow when you have kids.
And speaking of kids, you still want big family. Your first baby is an absolute joy and being a Mom is so great. She has only fueled your fire to have several children. Hopefully your hubby is ready for a house full of kids! (He is).
Let me end this letter by saying don't worry about who you are. You are doing just fine. All the decisions you are making now are turning you into the best version of you possible. Keep that end goal in your mind, always. Think, then act. Listen, then speak. Be patient, then go.
Love,
Sarah

"I want to say Thank You." A Letter to My Labor and Delivery Nurse

*WARNIING:* This birth story gets gross

As a first time mom-to-be, I obviously had no idea what I was doing. I was curious and excited. Ready to just let me body do whatever felt natural. I had never even stayed overnight at the hospital so I didn't have a clue what was proper hospital "etiquette".

Let's back up to a few months before giving birth. 

I had done a lot of research on what kinds of things I wanted to bring with me to the hospital. Things for myself, our new baby and for my husband. How many changes of clothes would I need? How many snacks can we fit in the front pocket of the duffel bag? And WHERE is the Bluetooth speaker charger?? Well of course I packed a change of clothes for each day I would be there (plus probably one extra for if I wanted to look "cute"), a speaker so I could listen to my music while giving birth, plenty of my own snacks, a yoga mat, tennis balls, slippers & flip flops and the list goes on. I was a true first time mom. Now let's talk about what my hospital stay was actually like. We got to the hospital around 5am. In triage I was immediately asked to get into a hospital gown so they could examine me. I was stripped of all the clothes I had on, except my bra. After examining me they asked me to walk around to bring labor along. I walked through the hospital with my hospital gown attempting to flap open in the back. My mucus plug fell out while I was walking around and was dripping down my legs. At the time, I was standing outside the floor bathroom waiting for Luke to finish up. As soon as I felt the moistness on my leg, I frantically knocked on the door and told him to let me in. 

Then, around 7am, we finally got into a room. One of my nurses was around my age, engaged and had no children. By 9am, she had already seen most of me exposed, listened to me moan and make sounds like a buffalo and much other grossness. I tried to make small talk with her in between contractions.
"Where are you getting married?"
"Do you want to have kids one day?"

This poor girl, why was she here to be tortured watching me go through this terrible pain? To see me so exhausted I was bobbing like Stevie Wonder during contractions? How could she want to have children after watching other women go through labor?

While pushing, she had to help me count through the contractions, hold my legs and hand and clean up anything that was getting messy. She was not the one going through this nerve-racking but exciting life change, she had no connection to me or my family and yet she stood by my bed telling me "You're doing great!" and offering warm smiles.

For two hours she stood by my bed repeating those things, placing cool washrags on my face and warm rice bags on my tummy. On her feet. With nothing to eat or drink during that time. 

When Hazel finally emerged, it was her job to help clean up, check the baby, rub the baby off, etc. And after Hazel had been born, eaten and was weighed I had to pee so badly. And she was the one who helped me to the bathroom. I was so tired, so sore and in so much pain. I had to pee like never before. It was the first time in 9 months that I could finally EMPTY my bladder! And she had to hold up my bare, wobbly body and help me to the toilet. She had to stay by my side and let me lean on her while I struggled to sit down. She had to teach me how to dab, spray and use the special ice-pack pads. She was a young woman, who, instead of experiencing this for the first time during giving birth to her own child, she was helping other young women during their experiences. She patiently explained how things worked, didn't bat an eyelash at how naked I was, reminded me constantly of what a wonderful job Luke and I did and selflessly gave up everything for two hours to watch me go through the biggest change of my life. 

Thank you for being a patient, caring and kind woman, even at your young age.  Thank you for helping my experience be as lovely as possible. Thank you for the long hours you devote to the people you are caring for.

I started this post by talking about the things I thought I would need in the hospital to end with this:

I didn't use most of the things I packed. The Bluetooth speaker was playing in the background, but I couldn't hear it. I didn't need several changes of clothes and I was too sick to eat any of my snacks while going through labor. I didn't even touch my yoga mat. And I was too sore to walk around so there was no need to bring both slippers and flip flops. What really mattered was support. I didn't have a Douala, a coach (a decision of frugality) or even my mom with me. But what I did have were some really awesome nurses. And that made a huge impact.

"I think that was a contraction" - Part 2

Thursday - 39 weeks 5 days - 4am
From around 1-4am my contractions had gotten more unpredictable and further apart (And might I add that I was getting very peeved with this baby for making me play the guessing game). At 4 in the morning is when my eyes were no longer closing between contractions and I had to get up. I got on the yoga ball and did some bouncing. I did Sudoku (who does this?? While in labor??). I tracked contractions for about 40 minutes until they were 3 minutes apart, and definitely getting more intense. The midwife gave me the all clear to come into the hospital! Now all we had to do was leave. I went back to the bedroom to wake Luke up.
"Hon? Wake up it's time to go to the hospital"
[Very out of it] "What? How far apart are your contractions?" He half sat up and squinted at me. Probably with his mouth open a little. He was really out of it!
"3 minutes"
"Why aren't we at the hospital yet??" Now he's awake!
We got to the hospital around 5am and got into triage. They proceeded to ask me 10,000 questions before even examining me. It is incredibly difficult to answer questions when you're having a contraction every 3 minutes. When I had finally been examined it was about 5:45.
I was 3cm. The terrible phone call was made to my doctor "should we admit her?"
YES. Yes you should. Please don't make me go back home. I haven't slept at all. I need have a baby today.
"Okay, your doctor said to walk around for 45 minutes and we'll check you again at 6:30"
And walk we did. Stopping every now and then to rest on a wall and have a contraction. At 6:30 on the dot the nurse came to get us and examine me again.
"4cm" I could stay!
By 7 we were in a room and ready to get things going. Contractions were very intense right away. It was like my body knew we were staying at the hospital and it didn't want to waste time. We walked. I leaned. We swayed. After 2 hours I was in a lot of pain and my doctor had to remind me how to breathe. It was hard to stay focused. I had planned to have a natural birth (if possible) but I remember thinking it was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
"I might need something." I told Luke "I want to be examined again and see if I've made any progress and then decide"
My reasoning was: If I'm not making quick progress and I'm going to be doing this for the next 20 hours, I'm going to burn out. But if things are moving quickly, I can hang on a little longer.
At 9am I was 8 1/2 cm dilated.
Uh.... What. I can do 1 1/2 more centimeters. At this point I wanted to try some hot water to try to relieve some pain. Oh boy did it work great! I felt like a new woman. Hello, shower! I stayed in the shower for about 2 hours! I was racking up water bills single-handedly. And then... the shower stopped feeling so great. So I moved to the bed. The pressure was getting pretty real at this point. I was uncomfortable. And the only thing that felt better was laying down on my back. At this point I was remembering my ignorant self, months ago, thinking "I don't want to give birth while on my back. I want to be more "natural"." Um. No. There was no moving or re-positioning. There was no squatting. There was only my back. My doctor checked me again. 9 1/2! And my water had not broken? Who cares. Let's start pushing! Light pushes were really a game changer. It felt so much better to start pushing just to relieve some pressure. My doctor checked me again a little while later.
10cm! (At this point I think she was tired of my water not having broken so she "accidentally" popped it)
PUSH. Rest. PUSH. Rest. Listen to my doctor give instructions. PUSH. Look at Luke (I was SO tired, I'm pretty sure I was cross-eyed). Rest. For 2 hours.
I. Was. Exhausted. WHEN is this baby going to crown??
And then, in a sudden rush of commotion, I remember my bed being laid back as far as it would go, the doctor saying "Good! Here she comes!". Nurses hustling around the bed. Luke right there, ready!
And there she was! At 1:56pm, 7 hours after we got into our room, our precious little Hazel made her appearance! They immediately laid her on my belly as I sobbed/laughed uncontrollably.
"My baby! My baby!" I couldn't stop. She was perfect! She had hair! She was so calm! Tears were streaming. I was crying, Luke was crying, the doctor was teary. It was the biggest rush of every emotion I have ever had. And Luke, too.
"This is why I love natural births" My doctor whispered to a nurse
One of my nurses was about my age and engaged. She had no children. During my labor I remember thinking that she was probably going to be turned off to ever having children because she sees first hand what women go through.
I looked at her through my watery eyes and said "I don't know how you feel about having kids, but it is totally worth it"
And there we were. A tiny family of 3. Clueless, exhausted, but over the moon. The pain, instantly forgotten. The journey, eager to begin. This chunky little 9 pound baby had been permanently placed in our care.

I guess it was a good thing we took our last birth class the previous Saturday.

"I think that was a contraction" - Part 1

Saturday - 39 weeks
For several days I had been feeling what I thought was just the baby headbutting me. But on Saturday I realized... that was not a headbutt. I paused for a minute and started thinking of all the things I had felt throughout the pregnancy.. but that didn't feel like anything familiar.
I said "I think that was a contraction".
His head whipped around to me "WHAT. Really? Are you sure?"
Well... no... I wasn't sure. I had never felt contractions before, I wasn't really sure of what they were supposed to feel like?
After a few more "heabutts" I determined that they were in fact, contractions. Tiny as they were.
"I don't know if this is necessary, but we might want to start tracking these" I definitely didn't think that this was the real thing, but I didn't know for sure!
Queue the stereotypical (semi) freaked out husband and the nesting Momma! There was laundry I was putting off everywhere. The dishes were stacking up in the sink. I couldn't have my home in this mess if I was really going into labor.
So after a few hours the "headbutting" stopped. False alarm. Talk about an adrenaline rush!

Sunday - 39 weeks 1 day
The "headbutting" continues in an annoying, non-progressing fashion. I believe at this point we were walking whenever we had the chance and people at church were saying to me "You better not be here next week!"

Monday - 39 weeks 2 days
Continuing of "headbutting". I had ditched the hubby at this point to walk alone during the day. I tried really hard to go into labor on this day so Luke's uncle could have a birthday buddy, but to no avail.

Tuesday - 39 weeks 3 days
On Tuesday my wonderful friend, and fellow pregnant woman, gave birth to her beautiful baby boy! The annoyance of tiny contractions continues. I begin to think "This needs to either increase and start labor or stop"

Wednesday - 39 weeks 4 days
On this day is when things really started to pick up. I had a doctors appointment in the afternoon.
"About 2cm dilated and 80% effaced!" the midwife told me. "any day now!"
After this appointment, my contractions started to pick up. They were not painful, not difficult, still just annoying. I just didn't feel well.
In the evening I went to Bible study. However, as soon as I sat down I had to get back up. It was too frustrating to just sit down and be still so I walked around. Every now and then someone would ask "are you okay?" I probably told every person there that I was having mild contractions. After Bible study we decided to swing by the hospital and visit our friends who had their baby the day before. We got to the hospital around 8pm and visited. We all love to talk so its no wonder we stayed for about an hour. It was around 9pm when I said "I think we should go. I'm just not feeling the greatest." What I really wanted was to be in my pajamas. So we headed back to our domain and scooped some great big bowls of ice cream and laid down in bed watching Netflix. Pretty soon, I was getting pretty uncomfortable.
"Maybe we should start tracking these again.." so we did.
We then proceeded to "rest" for a while. (any woman who's given birth knows how incredibly impossible that is)
After resting for about 45 minutes, we decided to get up. Guess what we did? Walk! That's right, at midnight or a little after, we got up, threw on some jackets, and walked around outside our apartment building. Walking helped, but after walking every day for the past 5 days, it grew old quickly. So we decided to come back inside. I couldn't rest so... I did dishes. I had to pause mid knife scrubbing to have a contraction. Probably not my finest decision.
At about 1am my contractions were pretty consistent at about 3-4 minutes apart so I called the doctor's office! (which, by the way, I felt so terrible for waking her up at 1am)
"Hi, um, I'm not sure if I need to come into the hospital? I think I'm in labor"
[Very groggy midwife] "How far apart are your contractions?"
"About 3 minutes"
"And what baby is this for you?"
"My first"
"Have your contractions been getting more intense?"
At this point I realized that they had not, in fact, been getting more intense. They had only been getting closer and closer together. The midwife instructs me to try and rest and call her back in an hour if they started getting more intense. So that's what I did. Luke promptly fell asleep and I laid in bed next to him, only closing my eyes between contractions. There was no sleep.

Finding out... I'm PREGNANT!!

I don't think it's any secret that we love kids and have wanted to expand our family for quite some time. For about a year and a half we've been leaving it up to God and letting Him decide when to give us our much wanted baby.
After a year and a half we started to suspect that maybe there might be some kind of "problem". It seemed a little suspicious that we had gone so long without getting pregnant once. So at the beginning of the 2018 year we had seen the doctor and started some tests. On the first few tests, we were getting normal results. Which was great, and we were so happy to be healthy in those areas but it was a tad bittersweet, since we didn't seem to be finding anything we could "fix".
About a week before my follow-up appointment, I realized something was missing. The last thing I wanted was to take another pregnancy test and see the negative sign. But.... I didn't want to show up at my follow-up appointment and tell them I didn't know what was going on and admit that I hadn't taken a test. So I decided knowledge was power, even if it wasn't what I wanted for myself right now.
So, the next day was Saturday. I had to work but I thought I would wake up early to workout before my shift. And see what a pregnancy test had to say.
With Luke still in bed, I closed myself in the bathroom and took the test. And after I set it on the counter, I couldn't bring myself to look at it as I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I almost couldn't bear it. Logic was telling me to "Just look at it" because I couldn't change the facts. Emotion was telling me to smack it off the counter and run away without ever looking. After I finally couldn't take it, I had to look. So I picked it up with my eyes closed. Finally, logic won. I already had my answer in front of me, it wasn't going to change the longer I kept my eyes closed. So I opened them... and it was positive.
What.
What do you do when it's positive? Okay this has never happened... how do you react?
Logic: You really should wait to react and surprise Luke tonight. Think of something sweet to break the news you've been waiting for.
Emotion: You should start bawling and run into the bedroom and wake him up
Emotion: Also, you should start shaking.
Logic: At least stop holding the nasty test
Emotion: You should cling to it like a precious heirloom
I don't think it's any guess that emotion took over pretty quickly. I proceeded to whip open the bathroom door and start sobbing. "Luke!" I cried through sobs.
I've never seen that kid pop out of bed so fast! "what's wrong? Are you okay?" since he had no idea what I was doing in the bathroom (and probably didn't even know I was up yet) he was completely clueless, and sleepy.
I seem to remember my shaky hands turning on every light in the bedroom as I sobbed and cried "Luke!"
I crawled over to Luke clutching the test and basically putting it right in his face so he could see what I had done. "What is that thing?" His eyes were too sleepy to focus and register what I was holding! Doh! I tried to suggest "look at this line..." Or "what do you think this is?" When he registered it was a pregnancy test his first reaction was sad. He thought it had been negative and that I was just really upset that the test came out negative. After what seemed like hours it clicked and he realized what I was trying to tell him. We're going to have a baby! Talk about a way to wake up and start your weekend!
How do women keep these things secret and surprise their husbands later? I couldn't imagine keeping this a secret, especially with how quickly emotions arose.
And now, the start to our new adventure begins! Only 29 weeks to go before we get our tiny delivery and we cannot be happier or more thankful! Sure, these days I mostly sleep and tell Luke his food stinks. But my dreams are sweet, and my mind is buzzing with excitement!

Rodriguez, The Chipmunk

Being homeschooled, there were many ways we would try to make school interesting. One of the things I loved doing, and still do, are making up stories. Here is a short story I wrote in school (No idea what grade!) enjoy...

Once upon a time,

There was a chipmunk. His name was Rodriguez. He had a lovely wife and 6 chipmunk children. They loved him very much, and he loved them too. One day they were going to move to a bigger tree. He packed up all his belongings with his wife, Sally Jane. Sally Jane was a skunk. She stunk a lot, but true love over powered her stink for Rodriguez. As a result of this intercultural marriage their kids were tiny like chipmunks but had black and white bodies and sickening spray that could knock you out even thinking about it. On the drive to the new tree, with all the furniture and all the family's belongings packed, they got lost. So very lost. They wound up on a tiny gravel road outside of chipmunk & skunk land. One of the children, Maximus, wet himself he was so scared. And Rodriguez got very mad. So he yelled at Maximus. When Maximus started to cry it gave Rodriguez an idea "I know!" he thought, "I don't know if this area is dangerous or not. I'll throw Maximus out of the truck and lock him out. If any wild things come and rip him to shreds and eat him, then its a dangerous place. If they don't, its not and we can all walk back to civilization." Soon Maximus was no more than a pile of bones outside the truck and two satisfied wolves were licking their chops. Sally Jane was so mad at Rodriguez that she fled from him and he got no custody rights after the incident with Maximus. He lived a lonely life in the end and Sally Jane got to keep everything. Even the new tree. Of course... he was a chipmunk so who would have given him custody anyway...

The end

It's been real, 2017! ✌

For the year of 2017 we decided to do a "memory jar". Each week for the entire year we wrote down our most impactful memory of the week (hopefully good) and at the end of the year we read back all of our memories and reminisced. I thought it would be fun to share some of these memories, so here's some of 2017's good, bad and ugly!

3rd week of March: Got chickens?!
 I've written about our chickens in detail but did you know that the decision to get those little ladies was a spontaneous decision? While living with Luke's mom, one day Luke decided: "Today I'm going out to get chickens." and that was pretty much the end of it. We kept them in the garage in a galvanized tub for WEEKS. And, yes, it stunk. Chickens. Stink.

4th week of March: Bought Grandpa's truck


What do you do right after you get chickens? You get a truck. And just LOOK at this beauty. Grandpa's truck is a beauty.

3rd week of may: Left for our trip to Colorado!
I have never been in that kind of terrain. The awe that strikes you when you're standing in the presence of a mountain covered in snow or you're standing on top of pike's peak at almost 14,000 feet, will take your breath away. I would go back every year if I could!




Last week of May: Chickens Died :(
 Yes, it's true. We may have slightly jumped the gun on our dream of having chickens... Just a word of wisdom, maybe keep chickens on land you live on so they're easier to check on! Oh and also... probably shouldn't ruin your Mother-in-law's poor garage... wait to ruin your own.

3rd week of June: Luke GETS A JOB!!  And shortly after...

1st week of July: We move to Indiana!

3rd week of July: Brought home our second kitten, Lady.
When we first got Fonz we were in WAY over our head, he was a CRAZY stray. He was incredibly wild and playful and would side wind everything tiny thing and attack anything that moved. We even considered not taking him to Indiana with us. But then we got a "brilliant" idea. Get him a playmate! That'll calm him down. We took a shot figuring maybe he was so crazy because he was taken away from his litter mates so soon. And it worked!

Last week of August/labor day: Fillepelly!
Our Christmas in July is nicknamed fillepelly and this year was postponed to September. Making it Christmas in July in September.

4th week of October: Home for Lemon's 1st birthday and sold big blue.
Well since our chickens died so many months back we decided we really weren't in need of the big blue truck anymore. The gas mileage wasn't that great and there were a few safety concerns. We did keep it in the family though! And our precious niece turned 1! She is a huge gift to her whole family.

3rd week of December: Home for the holidays 💗
It's safe to say that while living in Indiana, we sure did miss our family. We haven't been able to see everyone nearly as much as we'd like and treasure the time we get to spend with them. It's amazing when you move how you realize what family and friends mean to you.

2017, We will never get a chance to relive or redo you. But we hope that what we've accomplished has been enough that we won't wish "If only..."

2018, bring it on.

Indiana Adventures

Dear readers,
On July 1st, 2017 we began a new adventure hundred of miles from our "home". We went to a strange place called Indiana. Where being called a Hoosier is a compliment and corn and soy surround you on all back roads. Always.

HOWEVER!

So far we have been having a very pleasant time here in the Hoosier state. Here are some short stories about all the adventures we've been having!

Amish Crack (aka Rise'n roll donuts)

There is a place. Where all the locals tell you to go. Where your expectations are a mile high, and you're convinced nothing could ever meet those expectations. You're told you'll walk in, mouth watering, and sink your teeth into a donut that is declared so delicious, it's impossible. But nothing could ever meet those kinds of expectations, right? Then you've never been to Rise'n roll bakery! Rise'n roll is an Amish bakery that sells all kinds of baked and deli goods, including some canned items and cook books. But the thing that everyone wants for breakfast, is one of their donuts. Their original donut is a cinnamon caramel, sprinkled with powdered sugar and more cinnamon. It's the messiest donut I've ever eaten but it is so worth it! Not even a hot krispy creme melts in my mouth the way this does! That takes a lot of guts to pull off, Rise'n roll. It's so delicious and addictive it is sometimes referred to as "Amish Crack"

Fort Wayne Zoo

Fort Wayne has a zoo here that has some very interesting exhibits! It isn't as big as the St. Louis zoo (or as free...) But still a very fun time. They have a kangaroo exhibit where you walk among the kangaroos. They can come up to you, cross in front of you on the path, assault you, or anything they please (although none of these things happened while we were there). The giraffe exhibit is somewhat similar in engaging zoo partakers (except you can't walk around with them.) You stand in an outlook overlooking the exhibit and the giraffes heads come to the top of the railing on the outlook. You can touch them, feed them and experience a good tongue licking. On a side note, the zoo "Farm" was apparently run by a girl named Sarah and her older brother Ben. I didn't know we had a farm?! 

Fonzie's little friend

This doesn't really have anything to do with Indiana other than the fact that it took place while IN Indiana. Fonz was a pretty rough and tumble little guy, always attacking and biting so we decided to get him a little playmate. I was quite skeptical for a while but it turns out this was a great decision! They play great and she has definitely calmed him down quite a bit. Her name is Lady Felicity (Lady) and she's about three weeks younger than him. I've never seen two cats who love people more than these little ones!

There are so many things to do here! I'm sure we will have many more adventures. Other than moving out of St. Louis right before a total eclipse passed through, I'd say we're both pretty happy with the area we're in now. Everyone here is treating us like they like us. Just wait till they find out just how weird we are ;)

Happy Days with Fonzie

Hello everyone! Say hello to our newest addition, Fonzie!
This little fuzz ball we found in my parents neighborhood on a walk one morning. His momma was an abandoned pet who had a litter of kittens and we scooped him right up! He wasn't too sure about us at first. There was a lot of hissing and hiding, however, we quickly learned he loved scratches and cuddling. We weren't sure at first if this was the right time for us to keep a kitten but once we saw the way he warmed up to us we pretty much couldn't say no. Here are some pictures of Fonz in his new life as a Heisele!

Fonzie likes to help me with many chores..
Here he is helping make the bed

Helping me put away the laundry

Helping me with laundry

Helping open the blinds

Helping me do the dishes

He falls asleep in the weirdest positions!

Spending some time relaxing after getting some baths!

One of his favorite charis at
Grandma's house

Once a Chicken Mommy, Always a Chicken Mommy: The Sad Truth

In preparation for our trip to Colorado we decided it would be easier on the person tending our chickens not to have to move them every day. We have been borrowing a chicken tractor (Portable chicken coop) from a neighbor while ours is in the works. The idea behind using a chicken tractor is that moving the coop every day provides the chickens with fresh pasture and more evenly disburses the chicken poop. So, we moved the chickens to some hay while we'd be away.

Once we got back from Colorful Colorado we went to the land to check those crazy chickens and only 5 were present. No feathers, no carcass, no blood. The only clue left behind were some prints and some droppings. Coyotes. We searched around the area high and low but never found any other tracks or chicken feathers. So we checked out the coop to find how the predator penetrated our chickens safe home. What?? Nothing ripped, no holes dug, nothing disturbed? It was very upsetting not being able to figure out how our chicken was taken and murdered. 

Since we didn't see anything we moved the coop, set some coon traps and left them until the next evening. Luke spent some time that evening researching our predator and our poor chicken's death. We really needed to get our own coop built! It would be much safer and easier for our egg layers. 

However, chicken coop plans were put on hold after Luke checked our chickens the next night. Every last chicken was ripped to shreds. This time there was no searching for carcasses or entries made to the coop, it was all very obvious. Dogs or coyotes dug their way under the coop and slaughter every last chicken and left the aftermath of chicken leftovers for us to find later.

I'll admit that at first I was very skeptical of our chickens staying alive too long, but the more time that passed the more I felt like it was actually going to work. We were warned by several people older and more experienced, that we were setting ourselves up for failure, and while we gave it our best shot, unfortunately we are down to 0 chickens.

So what have we learned from this? WHEN we try chickens again, we will wait until we can start them off in our own coop, built the way we think is best. We'll also wait until we can keep the chickens on the same land we live on!

So long, Rotisserie,  Nugget, and chickens 3-6

Colorado anniversary!

For our third anniversary we thought we might as well take a vacation! We don't have any kids yet, and we haven't had a lot of opportunities to travel, so now is the perfect time! As we were trying to figure out where we should go, the usual "Branson" was thrown out there, but that is getting a little monotonous. There was kind of this moment of "wait a minute... we're young and adventurous, why go to Branson??" Then there was this realization "I've never flown before..." So we decided to fly to Colorado! (It was cheapest :P)

We were both so excited right away! I was having dreams about it, we were reserving hotels, making plans, etc. Neither of us have been to Colorado so, after some recommendations from several people, we decided to hit Estes park and Colorado springs.


To start with let me just say that Luke did not go to sleep Thursday night at all, because he got off work at 1am Friday. And to make our 5:45am flight Friday morning, we needed to leave by around 2:45. So Friday was a little blurry for both of us. But my first flight was amazing! I wasn't expecting the experience to be emotional, but I was so happy to be flying! There was so much to see from the air and I could see for miles.

After we got to Estes park and slept for several hours we ventured out into the TWO FEET OF SNOW! It was freezing. In St. Louis is was 90 degrees! But we loved every minute of driving through the snowy mountains, walking on main street and trekking through all that snow! The mountains took our breath away. We could've been looking at mountains through a window, sitting in pile of soiled garbage in a hoarders house, but we would've been happy! They were so beautiful.

After two days of admiring the beautiful scenery of Estes park (we could've stayed there our whole trip!) we made our way to Colorado springs. We were definitely excited to make our way to Garden of the gods, pikes peak, red rocks and whatever else we decided to throw in. First we hit red rocks and did a little hiking. The weather was perfect! And did I mention there was no humidity?! There were so many different trail options at Red rocks, you could stay there all day and not see it all, I'm sure. Guess why they call it Red rocks? They're really red. Oh and guess what else!

 



We didn't see any Bobcats the whole time! Next we went to the Garden of the gods, pikes peak and the cliff dwellers museum! All were amazing! It was so strange going from garden of the gods at 75 degrees to the top of pikes peak at 30 degrees and snowing! But every stop was so worth it. It made us so happy to admire this atmosphere of God's creation! The most above sea level we ever are in Missouri is about 600ft. On top of pikes peak we were standing at 14,000ft! Making these kinds

of memories and living these experiences with
your best friend is one of the best
adventures I could've imagined! Thanks for 3
years of joy. Here's to next year's adventure and
decades of happiness!

Story Time with Sarah: A Bobcat in the Woods

The day we got our chickens was kind of a hectic day. We were trying to get all our ducks in a row (or chickens) and we needed to make a trip to the shop to pick up a few things. Luke's family owns some acreage near where we live and on this land there is a shop filled with tools, materials, parts, etc. There are also trails, hunting blinds, creeks and plenty of places to get turned around or sprain an ankle!

After we picked up the chickens we headed directly to the shop to get the heat lamp and some grit from the creek on the land. Trying to be as efficient as possible with cold baby chicks in the car, we split up. I went to get the heat lamp since I knew where it was and didn't know where to get the grit, and he went to get the grit. I retrieved the lamp pretty quickly and took it to the car. I started looking around each side of the shop looking for Luke so I could join him. I thought to myself "there's gravel all around the shop, he's probably scooping up some grit from there"

"Luke?" I called but didn't hear anything. Hmm, he must be around back. "Luke?" He wasn't answering so I figured he walked away to get the grit, or was checking out a possible dead animal we saw when driving in.

I stood at the car and waited. Just listening to the chicks chirp and messing around on my phone. After a good few minutes he still was not back and I wasn't hearing any motion in the nearby woods. So I decided I would call a little louder to at least locate him. "Luke!..." Nothing "LUKE!" again, nothing. I was actually starting to get a little concerned. Where could he have gone that he couldn't hear me yelling for him? I'm quite the loud mouth.

So now I'm thinking, I'll go look for him, he must just be in the woods. What if there's an animal out there that got him? Uhoh. Maybe I better take a weapon. Can I shoot anything? No. Are there any bows? No. There's a baseball bat. I'll grab that, I know how to swing those. What if... no, no it's silly, calm down Sarah.... but what if... there's a bobcat? They just found a bobcat near the highway just a few exits down about a month ago... 

"LUKE!!" silence. My imagination was not helping me keep calm. It had been *way* too much time. Right? I pick up my baseball bat and start trekking up the hill into the woods. Trying to be as silent as possible so I can hear any movement. "LUKE!!" Now I am literally screaming at the top of my lungs, and that is loud! But I hear nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm started to get a game plan in my head. Okay, if he's hurt I'm going to call 911 and run back to the shop for... what? I don't know, alcohol or hydrogen peroxide and... bandages? And if I can't find him, then what? I'll call my brother-in-law. He knows his way around here better than I do.

My adrenaline is pumping and I'm fighting back tears. "LUKE?!" I think to myself, I'm going to call him one more time. And if he doesn't answer, I'm calling Sean. I took a deep breath 1..2...3... "LUKE!!!!!!!!!!!" Then I wait for an answer....

"WHAT?!" What? What does he mean WHAT? Has he not heard my screaming at the top of my lungs this whole time?

"WHERE ARE YOU?!" I scream even louder

"I'm down here, what do you want?"

I was so frustrated. How could he not have heard me, as loud as I was screaming? I'm pretty sure everyone within a few mile radius could've heard me! Assured that he was safe and just deaf, and without answering back to him, I walked back to the shop with baseball bat still in hand. I had so much adrenaline, I knew I had to get it out somehow or I would be a basket case. I walked all the way down the hill and into the shop fighting back the lump in my throat. As soon as I got in the shop I saw a large plastic trashcan and decided to have a go with the bat to release some energy. After a few swings I started to swing a little harder. THWAP! THWAP! It felt good to get some frustration out instead of crying. 

Then, after 6 or so swings, out of the blue I hear rapid, heavy footsteps. Sprinting, running right into the shop. I know those boots. Luke bursts through the door, panting.

"WHAT IS GOING ON??" I just stared at him with huge eyes "WHY are you hitting the trashcan with the baseball bat? I thought someone was beating you up! Why were you screaming for me?? Why didn't you answer me when I asked what you needed??"

"ME? Where have YOU been? Do you know how long I was calling for you?? I was screaming at the top of my lungs. How did you not hear me??" We both just looked at each other (Obviously both confused)

"All I know" Luke said "is I hear your voice screaming my name, then I hear nothing, then I head violent noises that sounds like you're being killed and I come down here and you're... beating up a trashcan. I was down in the creek in that ravine."

No wonder he couldn't hear me, he was too far and too deep down next to the creek to hear anything.

I explained the whole story to him, how I had been calling his name for a long time and he has been gone for at least 10-15 minutes. He did not seem amused. 

I started to laugh. It was kind of comical and I was on the brink of losing my mind. He just looked at me, he didn't think it was funny... yet. In hindsight our communication was poor. And I should've answered his last question to me. Those chickens had better appreciate all we went through just to get the some grit that they wouldn't really use for a little while. Maybe next time we split up we should communicate better? But then we wouldn't have these crazy stories to tell!

Oh... and there was no bobcat.

I'm... a Mommy?

The Hubs has been fantasizing for quite some time about an addition to our family. Talk about research, reading blogs, and non-stop chatter about finally settling down and.... getting chickens?

I grew up in the city, I'm not afraid to say I did not want chickens. However, after about a year and a half of Luke watching vlogs, reading articles and even volunteering on a chicken farm to get the idea of how things should work, one Saturday I was not prepared when he said "I'm going to get chicks. You wanna come with me?" 

You know how sometimes you hear someone say something that you think it just has to be a joke? This was not a joke. He was actually serious and later we found ourselves at the store picking up 6 chickens, bedding, feed, etc. 

I started thinking, hey, this isn't so bad! Look at how cute they are! All you have to do is give them some water and make sure they don't peck each other to death, right?

So we get these cute little fluff balls home and we set them up in their new home... My mother-in-law's garage. I don't know why she agreed to let us do this in-justice to her garage. (it will probably forever smell like chicken droppings)

For the first week it was kind of fun. Go out to the garage, see if any of them will let you pet them, watch them wobble around and see how many feathers they're getting. But then they started getting bigger, and the started to actually get wings. After a few more weeks, the cuteness has fizzled and they start to look like big, creepy hens who look at you with one eye and wonder where they could hurt you the most with their beaks. And did I mention they poop on everything?

It was a struggle to keep them contained in the garage. Once they got their wings they tried very hard to fly the coop, and we had to constantly keep in mind that if the garage door was open they could very well escape and get eaten by the neighbors dog.

But somehow I've managed to get a little attached to them. I don't want them on my lap or anything, but there is one, who we've name "Rotisserie" (Ro for short) who is lighter than the others and likes to be pet. 

Since they've gotten so big we've taken them to their very own chicken coop- OUTSIDE! And good news, we still have 6 left! :)

On the Trips to Kansas

Growing up, my family would often take road trips to Kansas to see family. My Mother and Grandmother were born in Kansas so most of my Mom's family was there, including my Great Grandmother.
My family and Grandparents would caravan all the way there. My Grandparents in their big red conversion van, and my parents in our white minivan. As a little girl it was obviously more fun to ride with Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma definitely spoiled us and would bring lots of snacks, candies and drinks. Including mud tea, a family variation of lemon tea, which tasted delicious but made for very frequent potty breaks.
When we would finally get to Kansas we would stay at Great Grandma's house, in her finished basement. Two things I always remember about her house are her grandfather clock and her old TV in the basement. The grandfather clock would play a song on the hour and always startled me because I wasn't used to it. The TV downstairs was old, really old. One particular trip we took we watched a documentary on a type of ant that could kill humans. It scared me so badly I had nightmares and didn't want to watch TV for a while. I was also skeptical of all ants for a while, just to be on the safe side.
We always had fond memories of staying with Great Grandma Stucky. She loved to bake and cook, even in her old age. As per our tradition, every trip we took to visit her, at least one day she would make sugar pancakes for breakfast. A thin crepe that we would lay out on our plates, literally coat in sugar, roll up and eat. Okay so they weren't the healthiest option, but it was tradition and they tasted amazing.
And you can never leave Kansas without stopping at a little German buffet called the breadbasket. It's only fitting that a German family like and eat German food, and this was the best place to get it! All your favorite, traditional German food in one buffet. I can remember most of the family getting together and sitting in the back room of the restaurant, casually offending everyone around us because of our noise. It's hard not to offend other people when most of the people in the family "yell-talk" which means their "normal" speaking tone is a yell. And screaming is just raising your voice a little bit. I'm so sorry to anyone who ever got stuck near our tables...
Good thing they're family!!

Why I Choose to be a 1950's Wife

There was an article entitled "The Good Wife's guide"  published in 1955 in Housekeeping Monthly. In the article the writer gives wives and mothers practical advice and thoughts on "how to". Simple ideas on keeping your home radiant and your husband happy. Ideas such as, preparing meals, showing interest in his hobbies and ideas, keeping a clean and organized house, and many others.

This article, and many others like it, have been labeled quite harshly in today's feminist society. The idea of a woman serving a man by cooking his meals, doing his laundry and cleaning up the mud he tracked in is frowned upon. Women have come too far in this country to continue living life playing second fiddle to unrighteous, ungrateful men. Relationships should be 50/50, not 100/0!

The way our relationships were never meant to be 100/0 or even 50/50. If the relationship is 100/0, the spouse doing all the work will continually struggle. In the 50/50 relationship, both parties will only be dedicated to half of what they're capable of. After all, each spouse will still have 50% of themselves they aren't dedicating to the relationship. The intended relationship between a husband and wife was meant to be a partner for life, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. How can a partner only be dedicated to 50%? Both partners were meant to give 100%. That doesn't mean the wife meets the husband halfway or vice versa, it means when one spouse does something foolish, needs more help than usual, is struggling, etc. the other spouse's immediate response is to go above and beyond, doing more than their "normal requirements". 

God's original design for husbands and wives is simple. 

Wives: Tit 2:4-5  "...the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

Husbands: Eph 5:23, 28-29  "For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior...In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,"

God instructs Wives to be workers at home, tending daily chores and the kiddos, while the Husband is to go out and work to provide for his family. God created this design in the very beginning with Adam and Eve in Genesis 3.

This design in no way is meant as an offense or insult to women because they "aren't allowed to work" (which God never says and is not wrong) and are supposed to stay home. This design was created for many different reasons including one reason which no one can argue: Women are typically more tender and loving. It makes sense for them to tend to children and minor details on the home front, because they care more.

Now what about the verse that says men are "the head of women"? It's easy to get hung up on that since, um, no one wants someone else ruling over them. Especially someone who isn't as loving as a woman. Doesn't it make more sense for the women to be in charge if they can oversee minor details and plan better? 

The first thing that needs to be addressed is later in the next few verses it says "husbands should love their wives as their own bodies" What does it mean for someone to love someone as their own bodies? The Greek used a lot of different words for love to put it in it's proper context. They used different words to mean romantic love, brotherly love, love for God, etc. The Greek word used in Eph 5:28 is an Agape love. This means love at it's finest. Ultimate love, a self-sacrificing love. This is the type of love God has for His children. A never ending, never fading, ever present, abounding love. Do people tend to be this way towards themselves? Sure. Not in a conceded or narcissistic way, but in a way that we are going to care for our bodies to keep them healthy and safe. Why else would humans try so hard to avoid dangerous situations? Well, we know our bodies could get harmed or we might even die so we act with enough love to steer clear of danger. So now we know that when the verse says "...love their wives as their own bodies" it means a fine, self-sacrificing love as though to protect and care for.

If husbands truly are doing what's right and trying their hardest to have this love (which is their job) the sentence "..the husband is the head over the wife" isn't so upsetting anymore. If someone honestly cared for you that much, and treated you with that much respect, it would be nice to have them looking after you and guiding you in important, difficult situations. It would almost be like having a guard dog. The level of a wife's trust towards her husband, when he is acting in such a loving, tender way, should be so high that she is completely content with his role of leadership.

In Titus 2 Paul is explaining that the older women should teach the younger women how to be keepers of the home, good mothers, meek, etc. This implies that the older women should be well versed in the ways of the home and raising children. This in turn implies that the women must've been doing these things all along. Mothers taught their children, they grew up and taught their children, and on and on it goes. We see many examples of women who work to teach their children and keep meals on the table (Luke 10:38-40; Proverbs 31; Gen 18:6; Ruth) 

In Gen 18:6 when Abraham asked Sarah to make cakes for their guests, did she whine and say "do it yourself."? Judging by the fact that she calls Abraham her Lord in verse 12, I think not. Abraham knew he could count on Sarah's readiness to help, otherwise he could've asked one of many servants to complete the task. 

The example of the wife in Proverbs 31 is probably who most wives wish they could be like. The list of tasks that she accomplishes seems to go on forever, and nowhere does it mention her ever complaining. In verses 11-12 it says "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." By helping her husband, and giving her 100% her husband is happy and has a trust in her. 

There is a trend in human nature that is hard to avoid. When someone does you good, don't you naturally want to do good back to them? Do you think it was easier for the husband in Proverbs 31 to love his wife (like we described earlier) after he saw how much she was doing for her family? How could he not? And she will be lifted up and glorified by her husband's love, pushing her to continue doing more in her work for her family. 

My husband works as a laborer sometimes for more than 12 hours a day. He works hard all day, comes home and is, of course, very tired. Since I have made the choice to follow the example of a homemaker the Bible has explained in detail, when he comes home he knows he doesn't have to worry about doing a load of laundry, or fixing dinner. Even if we only have sandwiches or leftovers, at least he doesn't have use what power he has left to think about it. 

Are men righteous? No. Are women righteous? No. Sorry, no matter how much we push women's equality, women will never be righteous. No one will be. Both women and men have jobs to do that the Lord has established. It's not hard to understand, and certainly nothing to be ashamed about. I choose to treat my husband like a king and serve him to the best of my ability not because he deserves it, or is righteous, but because I made a promise to God that I would honor him and be loving towards him. Even if I were being treated unjustly, even if I never got a thank you, my servitude towards my husband is practice for my servitude towards my God. Just like a good old fashioned 1950's wife.

Post of Pictures!

I was told not to do anything embarrassing on our wedding day...

Where Luke TRIED to propose!!

The guys at church looking very springy!

Our zoo has a... Cantelope house?

My two younger brothers weren't cooperating on picture day...

Jumping in leaves at Grandpa's house!

The day we casually hydroplaned off the road in Branson. I only look this happy
 because no one was hurt and there was no real damage!

My favorite wedding day picture

Holding hands with sweet Landon! Love that boy

This is mount cardboard-manjaro. Promptly after moving into an apartment!

Once upon a time I was forced into a choir performance to eat a plate of chocolate pudding and gummy worms. Yuck!

First Valentine's Day Gift... Not Too Wise?

On our first Valentine's day I shed a lot of tears. It was probably one of the least romantic days of my life.

2013 was our first Valentine's day together. Of course we wanted to go out and celebrate. Things were a little hectic around Valentine's day; I was scheduled to start a new job, Luke was just getting into his Co-op, etc. Well just to top it all off, a few months before February 14th I started having a pain in my mouth. I went to see an oral surgeon and he gave me the news: my wisdom teeth are coming! And guess what day they had available for surgery? February 14th.

So the 14th rolls around and I get all settled in, and put under. I woke up in what felt like seconds, thinking they didn't give me enough gas to keep me asleep throughout the whole surgery. They finally got me out of the operation room and took me to sit down in another room.

Apparently, the anesthesia could affect people in different ways. People could be goofy, sad, mad or maybe not much different. My Mom was with me in the room, waiting to see what I'd be like, but she didn't have to wait too long. Next to my chair was a trashcan. I looked at it, and just started to bawl.

I was a basket-case!!

In the elevator leaving the Doctor's office, I said hi to the guy next to us and told my Mom "he's nice". Walking to the car we walked down a sidewalk lined with dead plants (remember, it is winter) and I said the flowers were pretty. I remember feeling like I was acting, I thought I was giving everyone good laugh. But the truth was, I just couldn't control myself.

After picking up my milkshake, we got home and I saw the beautiful flowers my boyfriend had delivered to my house. They sat on the counter with a note for me. I started crying hysterically. "HE GOT ME FLOWERS... BECAUSE HE LOVES ME!" slobber, tears and snot were running down my face, everyone was laughing at me but I was so touched by these flowers. I started to smell the flowers, including the flower pictured on the note card. 

I placed my milkshake on the counter and tried to eat it, I got down on my knees so I was eye level with the shake. "What are you doing?" I just looked at my mom and replied very seriously "I didn't want the shake to feel short"

"How was the surgery? And the Doctor?" my brothers asked. "He was old. He patted me right here" I flung my leg up onto the counter and touched my calf where the doctor gave me a reassuring pat before surgery. 

Then I walked into the living room. You know how girls will steal their boyfriends hoodies and wear them around because the hoodies smell like the boy? I had a shirt I had stolen from Luke, it was a button up work shirt. I had it for so long that I didn't want to give it back dirty so I washed it just before my surgery. I found it in my pile of clothes and put it on. I sat down on the couch. Tears just started streaming down my face. "IT DOESN'T SMELL LIKE HIM" Tears. Uncontrollable tears. This was the saddest thing of all. My little brother tried to comfort me "He'll come over later and you can smell him" I just nodded. That seemed so dumb. 

After a while the real pain started to kick in and it hurt. Bad. I was slobbering so much, my mom decided to change my gauze. "Open your mouth as big as you can" she said. That's not exactly easy to do when most of your face is numb and you have ice packs strapped around your head. "Wider" I was trying! "Wider! No, your mouth. Don't open your eyes wider" Each time she was saying wider I was opening my eyes just a little bit bigger and my mouth was not moving. 

Let's just say we didn't celebrate Valentine's day that year. Or the next year, or the next. It's kind of ruined for us. Oh and did I mention my cheeks got huge? At least it was memorable! 

How to: Live with someone else?

Six. Six is the number of times we have moved in 2.5 years. Four is the number of places we have lived together as a family of two. One was the number of times we lived with someone else, in their home. Until December 3rd. After our adorable niece was born and the job hunt for my husband was not going well, we decided to move back to our home roots. We missed our family and close friends. We would be blindly jumping into dangerous waters. My husband had no job, and I would be quitting mine. We were prepared to live on our savings, if that's what it took. Except, if we were going to rent our own place, we would have very little leftover to live on. So, we decide to take up an offer to live with my Mother-in-law (MIL)!

No matter who you're planning on moving in with, it's always a little nerve-racking. You're not sure if you'll get along after a few weeks, you don't know if your schedules will clash, how will sharing the fridge work, etc. And even though I love my MIL to bits, I was still nervous, and embarrassed! 

The first or second week after we moved in, I decided we needed a few groceries. My Husband took on a temporary job, which really lifted the burden of money, so one afternoon while he and his Mom were at work, I hit the grocery store. I picked up a few basic things: eggs, milk, yogurt. You know, simple stuff for lunches and such. I got home just before MIL and was putting my things into the fridge, when she got home, also with grocery bags. It was at this moment I realized we bought almost the exact same items. Boy was I embarrassed! For some reason, I felt like I was invading her space. This was the first lesson I learned about living with someone else: communication. 

Living with my Husband's parent is HARD. Not for the reason you might think, but because she wants to spoil us! My Husband installed one new sink faucet for her, and she insisted on paying him. A lot. And did I mention she won't let us pay her for utilities or extra groceries she provides? She probably enjoys it, but we feel like we're invading. So this has turned into a back and forth game of seeing who can do something special for the other person first. She gets us giftcards for doing small tasks, which we try to refuse and she gives us the Mom eye. So then I cook dinner and insist she eats some of it instead of peanut butter. Or I clean her house while she's at work (she still doesn't know about some of things I've done hehe)

Living with another person in a three bedroom house and sharing most of the space can be difficult, and even awkward, but learning how to live with someone else has taught us a great deal of patience. It also gave us the freedom to pay off our debt faster, and grow back our savings! Who knows, maybe move number 7 will be into a house?